Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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