Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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