I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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