i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When are your genitals available?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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