just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
