I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
