Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
