Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
