Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
