Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
