Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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