what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
All I want is dick and wine.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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