She's JV to your varsity
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
