A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
