the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
