I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
