I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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