Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
