I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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