Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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