So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Randomize
