i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
