Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
