Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize