Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize