my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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