he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
