I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
