Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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