haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
