Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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