Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
