i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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