His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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