Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
