I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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