lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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