I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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