so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize