I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
