My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
