I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
