just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
