Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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