just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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