drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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