Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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