I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
