ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize