i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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