Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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