You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
