Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
