you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
