I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize