i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
