On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
