Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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