so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
