Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
