I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
