She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
