No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
