Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize