I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
