So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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