you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
