I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize