my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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