Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize