I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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