remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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