32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
