girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
