Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
