Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
