did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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