Where is the hickey?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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