What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize