I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I had to cum in my sink.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
