have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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