Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
