You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
