I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
