I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
smell my finger.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
