Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
