Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
